The deadline is June 1. Write to Arlene Oost-Zinner at email@example.com
I understand you have to convince her that you are worth the money.
I won’t be able to attend, but I really like getting picked for things, so I decided to save time and combine my application with my letter of decline:
If I attend colloquium
how fortunate would be
the many traddie chanters there
who got to talk to me.
I’d wow them with my discourse
and astound them with my smile.
They’ll giggle at my funny jokes,
succumbing to my wile.
I’ll even have an impact
on the quality of sound-
my perfect elocution
will inspire vowels round.
And did I mention prayerfulness?
Why, some call me a saint!
My thoughts have so much altitude
it makes a sinner faint.
I’m probably the smartest person
I have ever known.
My mom thinks I’m a winner, and
she’s likely not alone.
So you should let me come to your
colloquium of chant.
But even if you picked me, well-
I’m sorry but I can’t.
I’m soon to have a baby,
and I think the baby’s mom
would object to my departure,
so to keep domestic calm
I will have to stay in Texas
where the cattle horns are long,
while my friends at the colloqu’um
raise their voice in solemn song.