Jesus’ Wife

I recently read an extremely poorly-written article about a piece of papyrus. Apparently, according to the article, because someone in the 4th century wrote down, “Jesus said to them, ‘My wife…'” the world is supposed to open itself up to every gnostic speculation that ever crossed anyone’s mind, from the defamation of the holy memory of St. Mary Magdalene, to the penitential excesses of a fictional Opus Dei albino monk.

The problem with all of this speculation, besides the obvious crying need for journalistic reform, not to mention basic liberal arts education, is that the Bible already clearly speaks about Jesus’ wife. Jesus is the husband of the Church. The Church is the bride of the Lamb.

Husbands, love your wives,
even as Christ loved the Church
and handed himself over for her to sanctify her,

cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,
that he might present to himself the Church in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish.
So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one hates his own flesh
but rather nourishes and cherishes it,
even as Christ does the Church,
because we are members of his Body.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother
and be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.
This is a great mystery,
but I speak in reference to Christ and the Church.
Jesus speaks of Himself as the Bridegroom in every single Gospel. Just 5 verses before the end of the entire Bible, we read 
And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.